Walk Like a Man
On the first Sunday of Advent, I told you how the song “All Shook Up” was in my mind as I wrote my sermon. On the second Sunday of Advent, it was “The Macarena.” Last week, by the grace of God, we had a wonderful cantata, which was a vast improvement, musically speaking. But now, this week, the song in my head is perhaps the most annoying one of all: “Walk Like a Man.”
Every boy, as he grows up, has to figure out what kind of man he wants to be. Whether he’s aware of it or not, that question guides much of his development.
The Bible presents different models of manhood. In scripture, we find different examples of how to “walk like a man.”
None of those Biblical examples of how to walk like a man present a perfect picture; but Joseph, I think, is one of the few who comes pretty darn close.
The Bible doesn’t say a whole lot about Joseph. But it does provide hints as to what type of man Joseph was, and the more I pay attention, and read between the lines, the more I admire Joseph and the type of man he was, and what a good model of manhood he is.
Boys Will Be Boys
And I think it’s important that we talk about manhood and masculinity. I feel that we have too few good role models in society today - or, at least, too few good role models in the media spotlight.
Government leaders, Hollywood stars, and even prominent priests and pastors make holding on to their power and their authority their number one priority - even more important than modeling good and righteous behavior. Too many of them abuse their power, or have a dangerous sense of entitlement, or believe they will get rewarded for their misogyny and sexism and moral filth; because, too often, men do get rewarded by society for their misogyny and sexism and moral filth.
I want something better for our boys - the boys growing up in our families, in our church, and the boys I teach at school - the boys in our community and in our nation.
I’ve seen male students of mine test out different ways of being a man, “trying them on” (so to speak), following examples they’ve seen in society.
For example, one day, as students were coming into the classroom after lunch, a girl was finishing her lunch at her desk, and a boy walked over and grabbed a bite of food off her plate without even asking.
And I thought: where did he learn that whatever a girl has, he is free to take, without asking?
Well, obviously, he learned it from society, from media, from those who are lifted up as role models by American culture.
The girl, meanwhile, just laughed it off. That’s how society taught her to react anytime a male takes something of hers without asking. But I could tell that, really, she was unhappy.
And I couldn’t help but think about other situations where a boy (or a man) feels that it’s his right to take whatever a girl (or a woman) has, that whatever she has, he has a right to. Even her body, he can just take, without asking.
At least that’s the message boys often hear. But I want a better message, a better role model.
I have no doubt that Joseph felt the pressure to act a certain way as a man. I have no doubt that he had a mixed bag of role models to choose from, just as boys and young men do today…
Joseph’s Dilemma
So here’s Joseph’s dilemma…
Joseph and Mary were engaged. An engagement in those days was a legal arrangement. The license has already been signed. It’s like you’ve signed the contract, but you just haven’t arrived at the start date yet.
But one day, during the engagement, Joseph finds out that Mary’s pregnant. WHAT!?!
And Joseph feels the pressure to respond. He feels the pressure to respond a certain way. After all, this is an insult to his manhood; the pressure is on to respond in a way that will allow him to maintain his manhood and his dignity.
To prove he’s a man, Joseph might have been tempted (or felt the pressure) to seek revenge on Mary, or seek revenge on whoever it was that got Mary pregnant. What they did has hurt him; it was a personal attack; and now: maybe he should retaliate. Seek revenge. On Mary, or the other man, or both.
At the very least, Joseph needed to divorce Mary - he needed to end the engagement; and he needed to get the dowry back, which would require him going to the community elders, making his claim - and making public Mary’s disgrace.
But, as our scripture points out, Joseph was a good and righteous man, and the love he felt for Mary was strong and secure; so, even though he felt the need to get a divorce, he decided to do it quietly. He didn’t need to ruin Mary’s life by doing it publicly. He decided to divorce her quietly, even if a quiet divorce meant foregoing the dowry.
And that says a lot about the kind of man Joseph was. And I think that’s why Matthew included this part of the story in his gospel. Joseph is righteous enough, and secure enough in his own manhood, to know that nothing good would come of a public shaming of Mary. He’s secure enough to offer forgiveness, and to wish Mary well. He didn’t need to prove himself in any way. He didn’t need to ruin Mary just to prove his own manliness.
The way Joseph walked like a man was to walk in love. His faith taught him love, but some in his faith community, and some of his religious leaders, rarely practiced love.
It’s the same today. The Christian message is love and preachers talk about love, but as much as it pains me to say this, love is not what many feel when they go to church. They feel judgment. They feel condemnation. They are made to feel fear. They are made to feel unworthy. And they are made to feel like they will never be enough, they will never measure up, and that who they are is offensive to God.
There is no love in that.
We are learning to walk like Joseph - all of us, not just the men, not just the boys. We are learning to walk in love.
And sometimes, that means un-learning what we’ve been taught, about how we are supposed to act, and how we are supposed to treat people - especially those who we feel have wronged us.
Sometimes, it means sitting with our hurt quietly for a while as we figure out how to respond. Maybe our first, knee-jerk reaction isn’t the best way to respond. Maybe, if we walk with love, we’ll figure out a better way.
And that better way doesn’t mean we just let other people walk all over us. Our instinct often tells us there are only two choices: fight back, or give in. But that is so often not the case. If we take the time to walk in love, love will often show us a third way.
The Other Joseph
Two weeks ago I mentioned how names in the Bible often have symbolic significance. So I can’t help but make a comparison between this Joseph, and the Old Testament Joseph, who had to figure out how to walk like a man while growing up with his eleven brothers.
I’m talking about the Joseph who received from his father Jacob that famous multi-colored coat, although a more accurate translation would call it not a coat, but a dress - a fabulous princess dress. Because the only other time in scripture that that type of garment is mentioned - that that word is used - is when it is described as the type of dress that princesses wore.
So if that’s what his father Jacob gave to him, it’s no wonder Joseph’s brothers bullied him. Some things never change.
But that Joseph was confident in his manhood - or, maybe I should say, he was confident in his gender identity - and he walked in love - so much so, that after his brothers sold him into slavery, Joseph didn’t exactly overlook their heinous act, but he did forgive them.
That is how that Joseph walked like a man.
Walk in Love
Anyway, I thought we should spend some time with this, because it’s part of the story that we tend to overlook - how this Joseph (the one betrothed to Mary) was good and righteous, and how he responded with love and kindness even when he had reason to believe that Mary had committed adultery by cheating on him before they were even married.
And as I said, Matthew could have very easily left this part of the story out. Matthew could have simply said that the angel appeared to Joseph and explained everything, and that Joseph was like, “Yeah, sure.”
But, no; first we hear how Joseph responded to the news of Mary’s pregnancy, before he found out exactly how it was that her pregnancy came to be, and before he found out that the child in her womb would be Jesus, the Savior, Emmanuel, the Son of God.
Because the way Joseph walked in love is an important part of the story. I imagine that Jesus learned how to walk in love, as he grew up, in large part, from watching Joseph…which means that Joseph’s part in this story, though small, is significant and essential.
He was a good and righteous man, who walked in love, and who taught his son how to walk in love.
And there’s a song called “Walk in Love,” which, mercifully, has replaced “Walk Like a Man” in my head. It’s by Brady Toops, a man who has played in the College World Series, and who appeared on season 11 of The Bachelorette… but I didn’t see either of those, I only know him because of this song on my playlist.
Every other line of the verses contains the words, “I’m gonna walk in love.”
when I wake up in the morning
I'm gonna walk in love
when the evening sun is falling
I'm gonna walk in love
Through the troubles of the day
I'm gonna walk in love
Or whatever comes my way
I'm gonna walk in love
When my brother turns his back on me
I'm gonna walk in love
When my Enemy attacks
I’m Gonna walk in love
when i feel i don't belong
I’m gonna walk in love
with no strength to carry on
I’m gonna walk in love
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