Grandma Eileen was a devout Catholic her entire life. Her faith helped inspire my own faith when I was growing up. After I became a pastor, she was so happy to attend a worship service that I was leading.
The first time - I don’t even think I had been ordained yet; I was welcoming people to the communion table, serving communion. (I think this might have been at mine and Ginger’s wedding, actually, which included communion.) Grandma came forward, but she wasn’t quite sure what to do. Things are done a little differently in Catholic churches.
She came forward, and when she reached the front of the line, she whispered, “What do I do?” And I whispered back the instructions on how to take a piece of bread and dip it in the cup.
Ever since then, and throughout my ministry, I’ve looked for ways to help people who might be new or unfamiliar with the way worship is done - ways to help them feel comfortable and experience worship. I know we in the church haven’t always been clear about these things.
At the church where I grew up, we didn’t print out the words to the Lord’s Prayer, we didn’t tell people when to stand, and we didn’t tell people how to take communion. Back then, we just figured everyone knew, or should have known.
I think the same was true here, and in many other congregations.
We weren’t very hospitable then, were we?
We’ve gotten way better at that over the years; but every now and then I discover a moment when we could have been more hospitable, more welcoming, and more helpful to visitors and guests worshiping with us for the first time. Because it’s nice to know what to expect, and what is expected of you.
It’s helpful to know the rules of etiquette one is expected to follow.
In college, I took a food etiquette class - it was just a one-night class, just for fun, offered by some group on campus. I remember that, when figuring out which fork to use, you start from the outside and work your way in. I remember that the salt and pepper should always be passed together. And I remember that well-trained servers will always serve you from the left, and remove from the right.
And sometimes I still roll my eyes at servers who don’t follow this rule - they serve from the right, or remove your plate from the left! What uncultured, untrained servers! … Nevermind that I’m at a Denny’s…
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to dine with royalty? To dine (for example) with the queen of England?
Rules for dining with the Queen are extensive. You must be dressed a certain way. You must sit in your assigned seat - a whole team of people have carefully created a seating chart that all guests must follow… You must fold your napkin a certain way. You must not start eating before the Queen starts eating.
When you eat, you hold the knife in your right hand and your fork in your left, and instead of stabbing your food with your fork, you use the knife to slide food onto the fork, then keep the food balanced on the fork while bringing it to your mouth. Don’t rush, because the food will end up on your lap; but don’t go too slowly, either, because when the Queen is done eating, so are you - even if there’s still food on your plate. (The Queen is very gracious about this - sometimes she’ll push that last bite of food around on her plate for while, to give everyone else a chance to finish their meal.)
Anyway, there’s a lot more rules about dining with the queen, but I want to talk, now, about dining etiquette during Jesus’ time… What should a person expect, and how should a person behave, during a formal banquet in the first century?
Some of you may remember that, a few years ago, I talked about these formal banquets. They took place in a room called a triclinium, because in that room were three couches arranged around a table.
Rather than sitting upright like we do today, guests reclined on their left side, and used their right hand and arm to eat. Their feet were pointed away from the table behind them.
It doesn’t seem to be the most convenient or comfortable position for eating if you ask me, but then, I’ve never really tried it. Maybe pillows and cushions made it easier.
Unlike meals with the Queen, it doesn’t seem that seating charts were always created in advance. As guests arrived, the host would help them find the appropriate seat, but if the host was distracted, or if several guests arrived at once, it could be that guests were left to figure out for themselves where they should sit.
The thing is, these banquets were all about impressing other people. The banquet was an opportunity to improve your social standing by showing how powerful or influential you were. The host chose his guests because they were people whom the host wanted to impress; and the guests accepted the invitation because they wanted to impress other guests, to be seen at this gathering of influential people - and because to decline the invitation would be an insult to the host.
The seats closest to the host were where the more prominent guests would sit, and the seats further away were where the less prominent guests would sit. Just sitting next to the host would allow others to see your influence, and the high esteem in which you were held. To be seated in the farthest seat from the host meant you just barely made the cutoff.
A modern equivalent might be how a lot of people try to make a name for themselves on social media. They all want to be the next big star on YouTube or TikTok. And in addition to posting content, they’ll connect with other influencers, in the hopes that it’ll help expand their own audience. “If you like my content, I’ll like your content.” Like for like. Follow for follow. All in an effort to increase one’s own influence, to grow one’s own audience, and possibly profit off of that. Everyone wants to be the top influencer.
In today’s scripture, we heard about a banquet that Jesus attended. At this particular banquet, there was some uncertainty about who should sit where. I imagine that the guests arrived, and at first they cast their eyes at their fellow guests, trying to gauge where they fit in comparison… and then one person, the most daring, the most audacious, the most brazen of them all, walked to the head of the table and claimed his spot… and then the others all started jostling for their seats, maybe not daring to take the top seat, but certainly not wanting to be left at the farthest seat…
And Jesus just watched. Or, maybe - it doesn’t say so in the story, but I think that maybe - Jesus walked straight to the farthest spot, the seat no one else wanted, and took his seat. Maybe even before all the other seats were taken. Maybe while all the other guests were still arguing, nudging, and shoving one another to try and get the better positions.
But as soon as he moved to that lowest spot, they all noticed. Because they were all watching him. They had been watching him for some time. I think one of the reasons Jesus was invited to this banquet was so they could continue watching him closely, keep their eye on him.
So they noticed when he sat at that lowest spot. And it made them uncomfortable, because it was so unexpected - and, they suspected, he did it to shame them.
Then Jesus said to them: “Don’t sit in the highest place, the place of honor, because someone more important than you may have been invited, and your host will have to ask you to move to a lower spot. Instead, sit in the lowest spot, and then your friend will honor you by moving you up to a higher spot.”
This was not a new teaching. The other guests had heard this before, and maybe had even taught it themselves.
In the book of Proverbs, written centuries before Jesus’ time, there is a verse that says “Do not put yourself forward in the king's presence or stand in the place of the great; for it is better to be told, ‘Come up here,’ than to be put lower in the presence of a noble.” [25:6-7]
So this is a teaching that the other guests should have known. It probably was one that they did know, but chose to ignore…
…Just like all the teachings people today know, but choose to ignore. We ignore them because they are inconvenient, because they get in the way of our desire for greatness, our desire for wealth, our desire to be looked upon favorably by others.
This week, when it was announced that many student loans would be forgiven, a number of politicians who pride themselves on their Christian faith criticized the announcement, arguing that those debts should not be forgiven. Yet Jesus spoke often of the “year of the Lord’s favor,” when all debts would be forgiven, and Jesus taught his disciples to pray, “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors,” and many of those who criticized the decision to forgive student debts actually recite that prayer every time they go to worship.
But to actually put into practice what their faith teaches and what they themselves recite when they pray the Lord’s Prayer - that is too inconvenient. It gets in the way of their own ambition. And they conveniently ignore or forget or dismiss that teaching.
There are other ways we ignore or dismiss teachings that we know we should be following…
Last week several people I follow on social media shared this comic: Jesus is telling a crowd of people to be kind to everyone. A voice from the crowd cries out: “Wait - even Gary?” Another voice shouts out: “Yeah, Gary’s the worst.”
Jesus replies: “Look, we’ve been through this… yes, be kind to Gary as well.”
Then another voice from the crowd yells out, “Ha! Suck it, losers!”
And Jesus puts his hand to his head and says, “Not now, Gary…”
I laughed at that - I still think it’s funny - because I recognize the truth, that it is hard to be kind to people like Gary, and I’m always looking for a way, an excuse to not be kind to Gary. I’m always looking for a way to make myself look better than Gary. I’m always looking for justification as to why my life is better, or why I’m more worthy, than Gary.
And, yes, I would not hesitate to grab the higher seat before Gary, because, he’s Gary, and he belongs in a lower seat.
It’s so easy to make these kinds of justifications, right?
Who is your “Gary?” Who do you - consciously or subconsciously - place in the lower seat?
There is a definite hierarchy to society, even here in the United States. If the entire country were to be invited to a great banquet, there would be a definite order regarding who sits higher and who sits lower. We all think we deserve a higher seat than Gary.
As followers of Jesus, we are called to subvert that order. We’re called to turn it upside down. We are called to sit with those who have been placed at the lower end of things.
Because that’s where Jesus is - and it’s where he expects us to be as well.
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