Paul’s Thoughts on Love & Marriage
There are a lot of scripture passages that people choose to have read at weddings. The most popular one is 1 Corinthians 13, Paul’s “love” chapter. “Love is patient, love is kind, love never ends…” Sometimes something from the Song of Solomon is read. Sometimes a psalm, or some other scripture.
But no one ever reads 1 Corinthians, chapter 7. It comes from the same book of the Bible as the “love” chapter, and is, in fact, just a few chapters before the “love” chapter. But almost never do you hear 1 Corinthians 7 read at a wedding.
I can see why. If we were to paraphrase it, Paul’s message would be, “Well, when it comes to marriage, when it comes to sex… I guess, if you must, if you can’t control yourselves - since not everyone can be as perfect and self-controlled as I am - go ahead. Go ahead and get married, if you must, just so your passion doesn’t lead you astray, and cause you to slip into sexual immorality…”
It’s clear that Paul thinks people would be better off not getting married, and not having sex. At all. But since not everyone is capable of that, Paul gives in, and says, “Fine. Go ahead. If you must, you must.”
That’s not very romantic; but churches that try to enforce a very strict form of sexual morality use verses like these - often out of context, as we shall see - to back up their own ideas about sex.
There are other, similar statements in Paul's writings. Romans 13:14, for example - "Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires…”
These verses, written by Paul, don’t play well with a lot of people, whether they’re married or not. As Eric Smith (the author whose book inspired this sermon series) points out, Paul comes across as a "prude and a scold." And for people who have been offended, hurt, or spiritually abused by the church, it's just another example of church trying to remove what little joy they have left in life.
And since a lot of this attitude toward sex comes from the writings of Paul, it presents yet another reason for many people to hate Paul.
Because of Paul - or at least, because of the way church leaders have often used Paul’s words - people get the impression that, as far as the church is concerned, there is nothing to celebrate regarding sexuality, there is nothing beautiful about sexuality, and there is certainly nothing holy about sexuality.
Which makes Paul the world’s biggest party pooper.
But…
It’s always important to put scripture in context. It’s especially important to put Paul’s writings in context. And it’s especially especially important to put Paul’s writings on sex and marriage into context.
2. Interlude: Worship in a Time of COVID
I want to set up this discussion by first talking about how the pandemic has changed the way we worship…
A year and a half ago, when the pandemic first started, things were happening so fast. One week we were gathered here for worship… and the next, we were confined to our homes, with me leading a shortened online worship service from my dining room. We had to make a lot of decisions very quickly, because circumstances were changing so fast.
A few weeks later, we switched to livestreaming worship from our sanctuary. Only a few of us were here, just enough people to present the service and get it online. Everyone else was still participating via the internet.
Then we had several outdoor, in-person worship services, in our parking lot and courtyard. These involved a bit of extra work to set up, but it was worth it, because we got to see each other face-to-face for the first time in many months.
Then, finally, we resumed having worship services here in our sanctuary. At first, you had to RSVP, and were assigned a specific spot to sit. But as more of us got vaccinated, we were able to relax those restrictions some.
But even now, we still are doing things in a way that has been shaped by COVID…
At any point in the past 18 months, were we defining a style of worship for all time? No. Of course not. We were doing the best we could given the current circumstances. And that’s still what we’re doing: we’re doing the best we can, the best we know how, given our current circumstances. As circumstances change, worship will continue to evolve, bringing back some of the things from our past that we still haven’t brought back, or doing new things in a new way.
So if a person 2,000 years from now were to look back and examine our worship practices, and try to figure out why we worship the way we do, they’d have to understand the circumstances in which we are living. They’d have to understand our context - otherwise, some of the things we do in worship won’t make any sense to them.
3. Paul & the Parousia
In the same way, to understand Paul’s writings about sex and marriage, one has to understand the circumstances Paul was in - Paul’s context.
Paul believed that Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection marked the beginning of a period of transition, in which the entire world was shifting from an old way of being to a new way of being. Paul believed this period of transition would conclude very soon, when the risen Christ came back to earth to finish the work of establishing God’s kingdom on earth.
And when that happened, nothing, nothing, would be the same. Life as we know it would be utterly and completely transformed. It would be the end of one world, and the beginning of another. And we would be no longer earthly, worldly beings, but made into new beings, new creations, just as Christ had been made into a new kind of being at his resurrection.
And Paul believed this was happening very soon. He even writes, just a few verses later here in chapter 7, that "the appointed time has grown short."
And because it was all happening so very soon, Paul was 100% focused on getting the word out, letting people know. It’s all so urgent! There’s absolutely no time to waste, because it’s all about to happen.
Because of these circumstances, Paul didn’t understand why anyone would bother with things like marriage, and starting families. It just didn’t make sense to him. Everything was about to change, including our very being, our very existence. Why would anyone get married and start a family right now, under these circumstances?
But this parousia - this second coming of Christ, during which all things would be transformed - didn’t come as soon as Paul thought it would. He thought it would come before those in his generation would pass on. Obviously that didn’t happen.
2,000 years later, we’re still waiting.
If Paul had believed that life would go on, generation after generation after generation, he probably would have said things differently. If Paul had believed that people 2,000 years later would be looking to his letters for guidance, for instruction, he certainly would have said things differently.
Paul didn’t think he was writing instructions for people in every generation, for many centuries to come. These instructions were given for a specific set of people in Corinth at a specific time in history, dealing with specific circumstances, probably in response to some specific questions they had previously asked Paul, in the context of an expected end-of-the-world which was going to happen any day.
In fact, we already see in the New Testament the bewilderment of people who wondered why it hadn’t already happened. Some people in their communities had died - weren’t these things supposed to happen before those living passed away?
And we see in the Bible, in Paul’s response, that his thinking had to evolve, given these changing circumstances. OK, things weren’t happening as quickly as Paul thought they would, but they were still going to happen, and it’s all OK, don’t worry…
And we can see Paul’s thought evolve, and we can see his instructions start to evolve, based on the changing circumstances of his situation.
If Paul was writing for us today - if Paul knew that Christians for 2,000 years would look to his letters for guidance on sex and marriage - I do think his writings would speak more favorably about marriage and about the possibility that sex can be a good and beautiful thing.
Reading Paul in the 21st Century
So that explains why Paul wrote the things he did about sex and marriage. And it makes sense, doesn’t it? Given his circumstances, and given that he was writing for specific people living in a specific community at a specific time, it all makes sense.
And it’s probably not a reason for us to hate Paul.
We know, now, after our study of Paul, that Paul’s comments on sex and marriage aren’t the best guide for us today...
So what should be our guide - we who live in the 21st century - when it comes to sex and marriage?
I’d say: Love. The Bible talks about love a lot. In fact Paul talks about love a lot. Love, and respect, and honor, and mutual caring.
The love Paul writes about in 1 Corinthians 13 - the love chapter - isn't about marriage, or even romantic love, but there's a reason it's used so often in wedding ceremonies. Paul understood that people were vulnerable to being hurt, and we know that vulnerability is certainly present in marriage and sex.
So to engage in sex is to trust, and to be worthy of trust.
And even though the love chapter isn't specifically about romantic love, it does describe the care, the kindness, the patience, and the commitment that should characterize any relationship, including a relationship that involves sex or marriage.
If you're not ready for that level of love and commitment, then you're not ready for marriage. If you’re not ready for patience, kindness; if you’re not ready to give up insisting on your own way; if you’re not ready for a love that never ends, as it says in 1 Corinthians 13, then you’re not ready for marriage.
And because sex can have long-term consequences, if you're not ready for that level of love and commitment, then you probably shouldn't have sex, either.
But if you are ready for that level of love and commitment; if you are ready to love another person in a special way as much as you love yourself, and do unto them as you would have them do unto you, as the golden rule states; then you're ready to discover just how beautiful and holy sex and marriage can be.
And I think - I don’t know for sure, but I think - that if Paul were alive today, living in the 21st century, he’d agree.
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