Imagine hiking 1,300 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail. That’s what a friend of mine did in the summer of 2017.
Most of it, he did by himself. On his back, he carried everything he needed: his clothing, his tent, his sleeping bag, his food… and his guitar.
Some of you know this person I’m talking about. His name is James. He’s a musician - a singer and songwriter - which is why he carried his big ol’ acoustic guitar into the wilderness along with all his other essentials.
Some years back, when James was still in high school, he and some other young Disciples musicians from San Diego played a little concert on our church patio. And last summer, I recruited James to counsel and lead music at Loch Leven.
It was there, at Loch Leven last summer, that James and I talked about his wilderness trek. I’ve done a bit of backpacking myself, but I’ve never done a backpacking trip all by myself, and I’ve never done a months-long trip on the Pacific Crest Trail.
So I asked him: “What was it like? What was it like, at night, in your tent, by yourself?”
He said that the sense of solitude was immense. It was really cool, and - at times - incredibly lonely.
He said that lying there, alone in his tent at night, it was easy for his imagination to run wild, because who knows what’s lurking out there in the darkness?
It reminded me of one of my very first boy scout backpacking trips…
I was only eleven years old. I remember a steep trail getting to our campsite… and I remember that, as night came, I somehow ended up in a tent all by myself.
Not really what eleven year-old me wanted.
At night, it was dark. It was completely silent. It was lonely. And, yes, it was scary.
And then, it started to rain!
It was a long, lonely night.
In today’s scripture, it is Jacob who spends a night alone. It’s his first night ever away from home. And it wasn’t by choice.
Jacob was on the run. Jacob’s brother Esau was threatening to kill Jacob, so Jacob was fleeing for his life.
And I imagine that, on the run, away from home, spending his first night away from his family, out in the wilderness… I imagine that Jacob felt isolated. And very alone.
Especially once the sun set, and it got dark, and the hyenas started howling in the distance.
Jacob was tired, and he couldn’t see in the darkness, so he laid himself down on the ground. He grabbed a stone, and used it as a pillow.
Before he fell asleep, his memories tormented him. Had he done what was right? Was it worth it, to gain the birthright and blessing, only to be driven away from his family? From his home?
Jacob never felt more alone than he did on that night.
The same is true for many of us today. We have never felt more alone, more isolated. We’re not out in the wilderness, sleeping alone on the ground beneath a starry sky - but it kinda feels like it.
To begin with, we live in the most individualized society in earth’s history. No other society, past or present, has valued independence and individualism more than our modern American society.
This tends to make people lonely.
Other societies, past and present, were much more communal in nature. It was all about the household, the tribe, the community. Jacob had been a part of a large household which included Isaac and so many distant relatives and friends and companions and servants.
We would look at a society like that and lament the lack of privacy; they would look at a society like ours and lament the lack of connection.
We do live isolated lives. One of the reasons coming together in worship is so important and so meaningful to us is that it is a way to break out of our isolation, to connect, to form a community with people - a family - with people who become, in a very real way, our children, our siblings, our parents, our grandparents, our aunts and uncles, in the family of God.
But we’re not able to do that now. For the past several months, we’ve been more or less isolated - isolated even more than we normally are - by this pandemic which, at least in the United States, shows no signs of ending any time soon… which means that our isolation has gone to a whole new level, and many of us are feeling more alone now than we ever have before...
Another characteristic of the strange, uncertain times is that a lot of people are saying they’re having more vivid dreams.
I asked around in my own family, and they said yes, they’ve been having strange, unusually vivid dreams. And I have too.
Psychologists say there is a reason for this. They say that when things are in turmoil, our dreams go into overtime to help us adjust. This, the psychologists say, is actually helpful to our wellbeing.
People who have vivid dreams during times of trial and uncertainty end up coping better, and are less likely to experience depression as a result of their stressful circumstances. This is true even if the dreams themselves are emotionally negative. Dreams can help us move on and move forward, emotionally and mentally. And in that sense, the psychologists say, dreams really do have healing power.
A recent article in Psychology Today by Dylan Selterman talks about dreams in the time of extreme social distancing. The article says: “our dreams may serve as a biological signal that we must work hard to maintain our relationship bonds. Folks have been describing their ‘random’ dreams online recently that included high school friends, exes, or folks who have passed away. When many of us can’t leave our homes or socialize the way we ordinarily would, these dreams are motivating us, as if our brains are crying out: Reconnect! Reconnect!”
Has that been your experience? Because I have, in fact, had a number of dreams lately which featured people and places from my past - churches where I was once a member or pastor - homes where I once lived - dreams featuring my parents - and dreams in which I’m substitute teaching, even though it’s been over four months now since the schools closed.
Is it because I’m feeling even more isolated than usual? Are these dreams telling me to reconnect, reconnect?
Jacob - away from home, isolated and alone - put his head down on the stone. Night fell. All became shadow. His memories tormented him, and then his dreams unsettled him. Strange, unusually vivid dreams.
He dreamed of a great ladder or stairway to heaven, connecting heaven and earth. And there were angels going up and down this giant stairway.
And in his dream the Lord appeared, and said “I am the Lord, the God of Abraham and Isaac. This land will be given to you and to your offspring, which will spread like the dust of the earth; and you and your descendants will be a blessing to all the families of the earth.
“For I am with you and will protect you wherever you go.”
Jacob had gone to sleep feeling all alone - incredibly alone - but when he woke up, he reflected on the vivid dream he had had, and he realized: he was not alone.
He said, “Surely the Lord is in this place - and I did not know it! I didn’t realize! I cried myself to sleep, wishing there was someone to hear my cries, someone to comfort me, someone to dry my tears… I didn’t realize that the Lord was here, hearing my cries; or that the Lord was, in that very moment, embracing me, protecting me, watching over me…”
“But now I know: the Lord is here with me. The Lord is here, and I need not fear. Even when I feel abandoned. Even when I feel alone. The Lord is here. And the Lord will always be here, with me, wherever I go.”
And Jacob took the stone that he had used as a pillow and he set it upright, forming a little altar; and he poured oil on top of the stone, so that, when he returned to this spot, he would see it, and remember that, here, when he was a young man and had left home for the first time; when he lay down to sleep feeling all alone and isolated, God was with him all along. And someday, when he comes back and sees that stone, it will remind him of God’s presence, that where he was, God was; and where he is, God is.
And Jacob named that place Bethel, a word that means “God’s home.” Jacob had left his home, but had found his way to God’s home. Because God’s home is always with you, wherever you are. Sacred space can be found wherever you are.
And in this time of pandemic, when we aren’t able to gather together the way we want to, that’s a good thing to remember: that God is always with you, wherever you are.
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