Broken and Mended (1 Timothy)

1. Brandonn

After I had my emergency appendectomy in July, it took several weeks for me to recover. And recovery involved a lot of resting as I slowly regained my strength.

Which means I got a lot of use out of my Netflix subscription.

One show I watched was Queer Eye, which had just come out with a new season. 

If you’re not familiar with the show Queer Eye, it’s a reality show in which average people are nominated by friends or family members to have their lives made-over by a group of five experts in the area of design, culture, fashion, grooming, and food & wine.

So in one episode I watched, we have Brandonn, a 28 year-old military veteran who spells his name with two Ns. Brandonn lives in a nice house with his wife and kids, and he runs a non-profit organization that builds tiny houses for homeless vets. 

And watching that episode, you might think (as I did): “Brandonn’s life looks pretty good… he doesn’t even need a makeover.”

But of course, he gets one anyway. And as the episode goes on, we learn a few things about Brandonn.

We learn that Brandonn was in Afghanistan, but after an accident left him with a traumatic brain injury, he was medically discharged. Brandonn found great value and meaning in his military life, and says that finding out he was being discharged was the worst moment of his life.

We learn that many of his fellow soldiers accused him of faking his injury - you can’t see a brain injury - which left Brandon even more upset. He said he wished he would get into another accident, one that would cause him to lose a leg or an arm, so that he’d have an injury that was visible and people would know he wasn’t faking it.

We learn that Brandonn and his wife are deeply in love, and they have three gorgeous children… we also learn that his work with the non-profit he helped start takes so much of his time that he has very little time for home. And his house itself is incomplete, since Brandonn is so busy providing homes for homeless vets that he has no time to finish the projects he’s started at his own home.

And finally, we learn that there is one thing even more frightening to Brandonn than being on the battlefield, and that is opening up about his emotions and allowing himself to be vulnerable. 

But the show’s five experts are able to get Brandonn to open up. That’s what they do. They get Brandonn to admit his insecurities to them. Brandonn confesses that all the judgments of those who criticized him when he was discharged, he’s internalized. Those judgments have become his own self-judgments, and he can’t help but think of himself as a “failure as a human being.” (His words.) 

In short, Brandonn is a family man, a proud vet, and a successful non-profit director, but this identity is overshadowed by his self-judgment, a lack of work/family balance, and his confusion and anxiety.

2. Paul

Now, believe it or not, what got me thinking about the show Queer Eye is the apostle Paul. 

Paul was part of a group of particularly observant and influential Jews known as Pharisees. And one way to describe the Pharisees would be to say that they refused to get vulnerable. They built these walls around themselves and around their Jewish faith (metaphorically speaking) and would not allow anyone to penetrate these walls.

Yet tearing down walls is exactly what Jesus was all about.

So Pharisees like Paul became very defensive around Jesus’ followers, who they saw as a threat. Paul went so far as to rounding up these followers and having them executed. 

But then one day, the spirit of Jesus appeared to Paul in a blinding light, and asked Paul why he was persecuting him. That light literally left Paul blinded, and Paul didn’t get his sight back until three days later when a follower of Jesus named Ananias laid his hands on him.

Paul’s life was transformed by the encounter. His life was completely made-over. From that day on, Paul became a leader among the followers of Jesus.

And Paul was able to open up about his past. He made himself vulnerable by sharing his life story. In today’s scripture, Paul doesn’t hesitate to write about how he used to speak against Jesus, and attack Jesus’ followers; and how proud and arrogant he used to be... 

And then Paul writes that “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—and I’m the biggest sinner of all.”

3. Cracked Pots

On Queer Eye, Brandonn admits that he’s scared of opening up and being vulnerable. He’s afraid of what people will think, if they discover his true self. He’s afraid that people will take what he shares and use that information against him. 

But one of the experts on Queer Eye assures him that none of the information he’s given them will be used against him. Another says to him: “Opening up and being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re weak. It actually makes you stronger.”

This reminds me of something else the apostle Paul wrote. In 2 Corinthians, Paul compares his message and ministry to a treasure, but he admits that this treasure is contained in a clay pot - a pot with chips and cracks in it. 

In other parts of scripture, humans are compared to works of pottery, and when Paul speaks of a clay pot, he speaks of his own mortal, imperfect life. The immortal, perfect treasure that is the good news of Jesus, Paul carries in the mortal, imperfect, chipped and cracked clay pot that is his own self.

And Paul’s quite open about that. He’s open about that because of what he says in today’s scripture, that “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.” And to see and understand just how awesome is the power of God to transform people’s lives, it helps to see how the imperfect is made perfect, how the broken is made whole, how the lost becomes found.

On Queer Eye - yes, the featured person has all of their flaws put on display. In this particular episode, Brandonn is shown as someone who neglects his family, who doubts himself, who is insecure and full of anxiety, and who can’t always finish what he started. 

And yet, somehow, the show makes we who are watching understand that, even with all his imperfections, Brandonn is a hero who just needs to claim that identity for himself so that he can allow himself to be who his family and friends already know him to be: a good, loving, confident, husband and father who is a hero to so many.

And the show’s experts are there to help Brandonn reclaim his identity.

What part of your identity are you hiding… What part of your identity are you sacrificing… What part of your identity are you denying? 

You are a beloved child of God. God created you in God’s own image. God affirms you. God calls you beautiful. And God has created you to do good things, to be a shining light in the lives of your family, your friends, and your neighbors.

This is who you are. 

But the brokenness of the world creeps into our lives, and into our minds. Like Brandonn, we become filled with self-judgment. We become confused, anxious, and disillusioned. We see the cracks, the brokenness, but we don’t see our whole being.

4. Kintsugi

When a bowl or a cup becomes chipped or cracked, it often loses value in our eyes. We hide it in the back of the cupboard, the same way we try to hide our own brokenness.

But there is an ancient Japanese art known as kintsugi. Kintsugi is the art of mending broken pottery using lacquer resin laced with gold or silver. Instead of being hidden, the cracks are emphasized, and some believe that the pottery becomes even more beautiful as a result. The cracks are on display and are even admired and appreciated. The cracks say to the world: I was broken, but someone cared enough about me to make me whole again.

It seems amazing to me that, on Queer Eye, the hero of each episode is someone whose cracks are on display. Think about that. Usually, a hero is someone who seems perfect in every way. But on Queer Eye, it’s the flaws, the imperfections, the brokenness, that helps us identify them as heros.

Likewise, in the Christian faith, there is perhaps no one more heroic than the apostle Paul. Without Paul, the Christian faith might not have even survived past the first century. Half the books in the New Testament are attributed to him, and much of our understanding of Jesus is because of him.

And yet, Paul’s flaws, imperfections, and brokenness are on full display. 

Paul makes it clear that Jesus came for sinners. Jesus came into the world to save sinners, to heal those who are sick, to find those who are lost, and to put back together those whose lives are broken.

And in Luke’s gospel, when Jesus was asked why he hung around with sinners so much, Jesus said “Healthy people don’t need a doctor, but those who are sick do. I didn’t come to call righteous people, but sinners, to change their hearts and lives.”

And Jesus told parables about seeking out the lost coin, the lost sheep, and the lost son. And Jesus welcomed into his presence and to his banquet table many who were lost and broken. Those who are lost, those whose lives are broken, those who have been separated from the “in” crowd, get a lot of attention in scripture.

King David, Israel’s greatest king, was broken by his own sin… in Psalm 51, David puts his sin on display.

It goes like this:

“Have mercy on me, God, according to your faithful love! Wipe away my wrongdoings according to your great compassion! Wash me completely clean of my guilt; purify me from my sin! Because I know my wrongdoings, my sin is always right in front of me. I’ve sinned against you… I’ve committed evil in your sight.”

Then, later on in the psalm, David writes: “Restore unto me the joy of your salvation.” In other words: Restore me to wholeness. Make me well. Cleanse me of all my sin, all my brokenness. Transform my life, so that people will look at me and see you. 

By writing and sharing this psalm, David holds his sin up before God and before Israel, so that others can see God’s grace and God’s glory at work in those cracks and imperfections.

5. Broken, But Made Whole

Paul says that “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.” Many Christians think of that word “save” as referring specifically to being saved from the fires of hell, but actually, in Biblical Greek, it means being saved from a life of brokenness. It means being restored. Being made whole.

Now. In this life.

It’s the type of salvation that Brandonn received when his life was affirmed by the experts on Queer Eye.

It’s the type of salvation that Paul received when his eyes were opened and he began sharing the message that Jesus Christ is Lord.

The assurance of eternal life comes with that type of salvation, but the salvation begins right now.

And it happens when we present ourselves before God just as we are. With all our brokenness. With all our mistakes. With all our deficiencies. With all our self-judgment. With all our doubts. With all our anxieties.

Jesus never cast judgment on those who opened up to him, who were vulnerable to him. Lepers, prostitutes, sinners, outcasts, all came to him, and every time, Jesus took all their brokenness, all their regrets, and returned back to them affirmation, acceptance, hope, and aspiration. 

Only the pharisees and other religious leaders who refused to be vulnerable, did Jesus condemn. They didn’t present their whole selves to him, so Jesus couldn’t help them.

But for the broken-hearted, the sinners, and all the other imperfect people - Jesus offers wholeness. Jesus erases all their imperfections through his forgiveness and grace. Jesus holds up a mirror to them that reflects back to them only what God sees, the image that God put in them, of a sacred human being, broken, yet made whole.