You
know; those passages that have a plot. And action. And that are easier to
preach on…
But the
psalms don’t have any of that.
Yet,
when I pause, take a breath, and let the words of the psalms sink into my
heart, the effect is sometimes quite profound.
I
wonder what words from Psalm 32 are resonating in your heart. Here’s what’s
resonating in mine:
Reading
that brought to mind times when my body was groaning inwardly; times when it
felt that God’s hand was heavy upon me; times when my strength was dried up … and
my spirit was unsettled.
I don’t
like feeling unsettled. Feeling unsettled is that feeling that something isn’t
right. It’s a feeling the rises up from your gut. It’s the feeling of being
disturbed by something.
It is
not a pleasant experience.
And
yet, sometimes, that unpleasant feeling, that experience of being unsettled,
comes from the Spirit. It is the Spirit telling me I need to change.
But I
don’t want to change. I don’t want to change my way of thinking. I just want to
get rid of that unsettled feeling.
I tell
myself this, but it doesn’t work. “Happy is the one in whom there is no deceit
or dishonesty.” To be happy, I need to stop deceiving myself.
When do
you feel unsettled? When do you sense a groaning deep in your bones? When do
you feel God’s hand heavy upon you (as the Psalmist says)?
And how
do you respond?
We
blame others.
We
search for distractions.
We get
defensive.
For
example… The issue of race relations in this country is unsettling. If you aren’t unsettled by the history and the
current state of race relations in this country, you should be. It has been,
and continues to be, one of America’s greatest sins.
And
because I am an American – a white American, no less – I am implicated in this
sin.
That
unsettles me. So what do I do? I blame others. Look at David Duke, the KKK,
Donald Trump… The racists are out there; just don’t lump me in with them.
Or, I
search for distractions. Why do we always have to talk about race? There are
plenty of other things we can talk about…
Or, I
get defensive. I can’t be racist! I had a black roommate in college. I was one
of his groomsmen when he got married. (We ate Jack-in-the-Box hamburgers before
the wedding and watched the photographer and the wedding coordinator get into a
fight at the reception. It was great.)
Blame
others. Search for distractions. Get defensive.
The
Black Lives Matter movement makes a lot of us feel unsettled. How do we respond?
We
blame others. “If he hadn’t been acting suspicious, the police wouldn’t have
shot him.”
We
search for distractions. “All Lives
Matter!”
We get
defensive. “The police have a difficult job to do, 99% of them are good,
decent, people, we should respect the men in blue.”
All of
these things may be true. The problem is that when they take the spotlight away
from Black Lives Matter, they deny what is also true: that we live in a society
that is still racist.
Here’s
what I have learned over the years: when I feel this type of discomfort, when I
feel unsettled in this way, there is likely some deceit or dishonesty going on
within me, which means there is almost certainly an opportunity for me to learn
something.
But in
order to learn something, I have to stop
blaming others. I have to stop
searching for distractions. I have to stop
being so defensive.
Instead,
I need to humble myself. I need to open my heart and my mind. I need to allow
that heavy hand of God to turn my eyes toward that which I’d rather not look
at, and see what is really going on.
I am so
thankful for colleagues like Sandhya Jha, a friend of mine who is a Disciples
pastor in Oakland; Leah Francis Gunning, who wrote the book From Ferguson to Faith (and who begins
teaching this summer at Christian Theological Seminary, the seminary I
attended); and William Barber, the Disciples pastor from North Carolina I
mentioned to you a few weeks ago. In person, and through the books they’ve
written, they are among those who have helped me learn to stop blaming others, stop
searching for distractions, and stop
getting defensive. Through them, God has gently turned my eyes to see the
truth.
And truth
leads to repentance.
I’m not
afraid to call the police if I need to. I don’t have to worry about getting a
fair trial if I or anyone in my family is ever taken to court. No one is going
to harass me because of my race. No one follows me when I enter a store. And in
all my classes, from elementary school to seminary, I never took a class on “white
history.” We didn’t have to call it that, because “white history” was just
called “history.”
Do I go
about trying to create this privilege for myself? No. But if I deny that it
exists, then I am complicit with the problem. If I don’t challenge and confront
it, I’m complicit with the sins of society.
It’s
unsettling. But I’ve learned to give thanks for that unsettled feeling. When my
first reaction is to blame others, find distractions, or get defensive, I’ve
learned to check myself, and ask if there is something here I need to learn.
What a
blessing that is!
Psalm
32 goes back and forth between confession and celebration. When you think of
confession, do you also think of celebration? Probably not. Confession and repentance
don’t often seem to us to be times for celebration.
But
I’ve discovered that when you feel that unsettled feeling – when something
disturbs you in the way that I have described, and you are tempted to blame
others, find distractions, or get defensive – a blessing can be right around the corner, if you just stop for a moment, and take a breath, and ask yourself
if there is something here you need to see. Ask yourself: can you feel the
heavy hand of God upon you, gently trying to turn your head to look closely at
what you are trying to avoid.
…And
God will lead you from repentance to celebration. As the psalmist says, you
will “be glad in the Lord. You will rejoice. You will shout for joy.”
Here is
another example from my own personal experience.
When
this church voted to become officially Open and Affirming, I was pleased.
But
then, as I read the statement that we had voted on and approved, that unsettled
feeling began to arise.
Our
Open and Affirming statement reads: “Bixby Knolls Christian Church welcomes and
affirms all God's children, regardless of race, gender, age, sexual
orientation, gender identity, nationality, ethnicity, marital status, physical
or mental ability, political stance or theological perspective.”
This
time, what unsettled me was the phrase, “gender identity.”
Which I
didn’t really understand.
But
because it was in this statement that we had voted on and approved, I couldn’t
deny it. I couldn’t distract myself from it. And who else could I blame, since
I myself voted in favor of this statement?
So I
decided I needed to learn more. I needed to let God’s hand that was upon me
direct my attention to the truth.
I ended
up at a training for transgender allies. Walking in,
I was
given a blank nametag, and was asked to write my name as well as my preferred
pronoun.
That unsettled
me. I’d never before had to inform people that I wanted to be referred to as
“he” or “him.”
Then I
watched and listened as several young people bravely described the difficult
journey of a transgender person. And I began to understand.
The
fact that I had never before needed to inform people what pronoun to use when
referring to me shows the privilege that I have in our society…
I left
that training finally understanding why we need to be a church that does indeed
welcome and affirm all people regardless of their gender identity.
Walking
into that training was a bit outside my comfort zone. Putting that name tag on,
I did feel unsettled.
So. What
unsettles you?
Perhaps
it was Beyonce’s Super Bowl halftime show… Maybe it was Chris Rock’s comments
about the all-white Oscars… maybe it was Bruce Jenner’s transformation to
Caitlyn Jenner… maybe it’s the suggestion that some of the stories in the Bible
aren’t meant to be taken literally… Maybe it’s something else…
I’m
sure if I keep going, I could find something that unsettles you. In case you
haven’t noticed, my purpose today is not to comfort you. It’s to make you feel
unsettled.
And
when you feel unsettled, ask yourself: Is the Spirit there, in that unsettled
feeling?
That’s
what you need to figure out.
If the
Spirit is there… listen to it. Before you deny what’s going on, before you get
defensive, before you distract your mind to something else, figure out what’s
going on.
As the
psalmist says, “Do not be like a horse or mule, without understanding, whose
temper must be curbed with bit and bridle…”
Listen
to the Spirit.
Let the
Spirit lead you to the repentance that gives freedom and joy and happiness.
Only
then will that inner groaning cease. Only then will the weight of God’s heavy
hand be lifted from you. Only then will your strength be returned to you.
And,
like the psalmist, you will discover a reason to celebrate.
1 comment:
Great read, Danny, thank you
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