Excellence in Self-Care

As you know, I have done a lot of counseling at Loch Leven and at a number of other camps over the years.  If you were to add up all the weeks that I’ve been on a camp staff and put them together, it would be well over a year of my life. 

And every time I counsel camp, I try to do the best job I possibly can.  But I’ve learned that doing the best job possible is not the same as being perfect.  I have, in the past, tried to be perfect. 

It didn’t work out so well.

Counseling camp one year, I really upset my co-counselor halfway through the week because I was being insensitive and completely blowing her off while we were leading campers in a group activity.  It wasn’t intentional.  I didn’t even realize what I was doing.  But that didn’t matter.  She ended up crying, and I had to apologize.

The problem, I realized later, was that I had not taken care to maintain my level of people-energy.  I’m an introvert, which means that being around people drains my energy level.  It does NOT mean that I don’t like being around people.  It just means that social settings drain my energy, and that in order to re-charge, I need some quiet time. 

An extrovert is just the opposite.  An extrovert finds their energy restored and renewed when they spend time in social settings, surrounded by people. 

When I upset my co-counselor, it was because I had been trying so hard all week to be a perfect counselor, and had gone non-stop without taking a break for myself.  By that particular session, my energy was all used up.  I had nothing left.

I did much better this past year, counseling at Loch Leven, taking every opportunity I could to care for myself in ways that allowed me to maintain my people-energy.  Without this kind of self-care, I realized, it is impossible for me to excel at camp counseling.  Without this type of self-care, it is impossible for me to excel at anything.

As we continue to focus on excellence, we need to understand that striving for excellence does not mean striving for perfection.  Striving for perfection never works out all that well.  Perfection is an impossible goal, and striving for perfection leads to frustration, resentment… and hurt feelings. 

Trust me, I know.

Therefore, one of the most important things we can do as we strive for excellence is take care of ourselves.  One of the most important things we can do is make sure we engage in practices that renew and restore our own energy levels. 

God knows this.  God knows that you’re not perfect.  God knows that you are human.  And so, in order to help you be the best human you can be – in order to help you be excellent – God commands that you take one day a week and make it a day of rest. 

It’s a Sabbath day; a day of rest; a day that is holy. 

It’s a day to recognize that you are not perfect, that your store of energy isn’t limitless, that you, in fact, need time to rest your body and your soul, and spend time with God who is the source of all our energy.

And God doesn’t just suggest that you take a day of rest.  God commands it.  Because God expects you to be your best – because God expects you to be excellent – and God knows that you can’t be either of those things unless you have the rest you need.

Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of scripture presents the command concerning the Sabbath like this:

“No working on the Sabbath; keep it holy just as God, your God, commanded you.  Work six days, doing everything you have to do, but the seventh day is a Sabbath, a Rest Day – no work: not you, your son, your daughter, your servant, your maid, your ox, your donkey (or any of your animals), and not even the foreigner visiting your town.  That way your servants and maids will get the same rest as you.”

The command to keep the Sabbath has the longest explanation of any of the commandments.  By itself, that doesn’t mean it’s the most important. 

And yet, I do think it is significant that the command to observe the Sabbath includes such a lengthy explanation.  Perhaps this is because it is the most likely of the commandments to be ignored. 

Several times in the Old Testament, the Ten Commandments appear, and each time the command to observe a day of rest is accompanied by a lengthy explanation.

Jesus, in his time, was challenged to explain the Sabbath, most often because it appeared to the religious leaders that he was violating the command, or encouraging others to violate it. 

The gospel of Mark tells the story of Jesus and his disciples going through the grainfields on a Sabbath.  As they made their way the disciples – who were hungry –  began to pluck some heads of grain.  Some religious leaders saw them and said to Jesus, “Why are they doing what is not allowed on the Sabbath?”

Jesus responded by describing a scene involving King David, and then said to them, “The Sabbath was made for us; we weren’t made for the Sabbath.”

To me, this shows that the Sabbath is intended for self-care.  It’s something we do to take care of ourselves.

And therefore it seems to me that what is allowed on the Sabbath is any activity that restores one’s energy.  All week long, you work and labor; but one day a week, take a Rest Day, a day to bring your energy level back up.  A day that moves your energy reserves from empty to full. 

I often like to do something physical on my rest day.  Go for a bike ride.  Take a hike.  Although my body is working, my mind is resting, and my energy is being restored.

Someone who’s day-to-day work requires a lot of physical energy may need to do just the opposite: take a day of rest from physical labor, and spend some time sitting and reading.

Someone who spends all week at work dealing with people, talking with people, probably needs a day when they can be alone for awhile.  Someone who works alone all week probably needs to enjoy some company. 

Of course, it depends on their own temperament, whether they are introverts or extroverts.

The point is that if you don’t take at least one day a week to care for yourself, then there is no way you are going to be able to excel at serving God, caring for others, the other six days of the week.  There is no way you can be excellent, if you’re not finding some time, during the course of the week, to re-energize.

After I hurt the feelings of my co-counselor, I spent some time trying to figure out just why I had behaved the way I did.  I didn’t recognize right away that it was because my energy level was so low.  But I did recognize that there was something going on within me, something that was affecting my interactions with other people, something that I didn’t like.

And when that happens, I pause, and I try to look inside myself, and see if I can figure out what it is. 

In other words, I try to become aware of what is going on within me.

It is common for people to go about their lives, reacting to different things without even knowing why they react the way they do.  People are not aware of their own emotional state or their own mental state, because they haven’t taken the time to be present with themselves, to know themselves. 

I have learned that it is helpful in such moments to pause and try to figure out what’s going on with me.

If I do this well, I do it without judging my emotions or reactions.  I did regret very much the way I behaved toward my fellow counselor, but when I examined my emotions, I didn’t beat myself up because of how I was feeling.  Instead, I searched for the cause of my bad attitude.  I took that attitude, and I cared for it. 

Thich Nhat Hanh says that when we feel a negative emotion – anger, for example – it is always best to treat it as if it was your own baby.  If your baby is crying, and you want the baby to stop crying, you don’t shout, “Shut up, you stupid baby!  Stop crying!”  Like that’s going to do any good!

Instead, you go to your baby, you hold it in your arms, you rock it gently, and you speak or sing soothingly to your baby.

If something feels negative or “out of whack” within me, I try to do the same with that negative emotion.  I imagine myself holding that negative emotion in my arms, cradling it, and I say to myself, “what’s going on?  Why are you so upset?” 

I say this gently, without accusation or judgment.

And often, I discover that the reason for my behavior – the reason for the negative emotions I’m feeling – is that I haven’t taken the time I need to renew my energy. 

The good news for me is that, because I’ve taken the time to be gentle with myself, and pause, and ask “What’s wrong,” I’ve already begun the process of taking a break, a rest, and therefore my energy is already on its way to being restored. 

This actually makes me feel good about myself, because I know that by taking care of myself, I’m moving toward excellence.  I’m not perfect, and I may need to apologize for hurting another’s feelings, but by going through this process I’ve learned a little bit about myself and why I acted the way I acted, and I am better equipped to watch, in the future, for signs that I may be running out of energy; and I can take the steps I need to restore my energy before it gets too low.

These are some of the things I’ve learned when it comes to taking care of myself so that I can be the best that I can be.  Every person is different, everyone’s personality is different, so the steps you need to take might be different.  But you’ll never know unless you stop, every once in awhile, and take a break from the work that wears you down, and spend some time resting and renewing your energy.

That’s why we have the Sabbath. 

So that we can be the best that we can be. 

So that we can be excellent.