I don’t do it very often, but it seemed
fitting today to break away from the normal lectionary readings, and to preach
a special sermon on the topic of love. I
do this for several reasons:
1. Valentine’s Day is this week.
2. Despite the
fact that Valentine’s Day is this week, there is a lot in today’s world that
passes for love that isn’t true love.
There is a lot of cheap sentimentality as well as a lot of sexual
stimulation in society and in the media, but neither of those are true love. Maybe you saw Beyonce at the Super Bowl, or
that Calvin Klein ad, and said, “Oh my God, I love his body!” or “I love her
body” but of course, that’s not love.
3. This year our
congregation is discerning what it means to be open and affirming in regards to
gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered Christians. This year at the General Assembly, the
Disciples of Christ will consider a resolution on open and affirming at the
denominational level. While most in our
congregation and in our denomination support being open and affirming, there
are good people who have some concerns.
I always want to take whatever concerns anyone has seriously, and today
seems like a good day to do that.
To begin this sermon on love, I will remind
you that in Greek – the language of the New Testament – there are three
different words for love, representing three different types of love.
One of these words is eros. During a speech he
gave at U.C. Berkeley in 1957, Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Eros is a sort of aesthetic love. It has come to us to be a sort of romantic
love and it stands with all its beauty.”
I did not hear the speech and I don’t know if there is an audio
recording of it, but in reading the transcript it seems to me that King is,
perhaps, just a little embarrassed to be talking about eros love – we preachers often are – and he quickly moved into the
second kind of love.
He said: “The Greek language talks about philia and this is a sort of reciprocal
love between friends.” It’s the kind of
love that many of us here have for one another.
You’ve heard that Philadelphia is the “city of brotherly love,” and
that’s not just a motto; it’s actually what the word Philadelphia means in Greek.
Then King said: “The Greek language comes out
with another word, and it is agape. Agape is understanding, creative,
redemptive goodwill for all… It is an overflowing love which seeks nothing in
return.”
In other speeches and writings, King pointed
out that agape love recognizes that
all humans are interrelated, that there is some of you in every person, and it recognizes that both you and that other
person are created in the image of God.
That’s why agape is a love you
show even to your enemies.
All three types of love are powerful. All three types of love are good. All three types of love have the power to
change lives. But I think it’s safe to
say that only agape love has the
power to change the world.
All three types of love are discussed on the
pages of scripture. Agape is talked about more
than the other two, and it is the type of love usually preached about. Agape
love is universal. Jesus made it clear
that God’s love is for everyone. Some
people were so offended by that idea that they tried to kill Jesus by dragging
him to the edge of town and throwing him off a cliff. They
wanted God to love all the people they loved, and they wanted God to hate all
the people they hated. They wanted God
to save all the people they cared about, all the people who were like them, and
they wanted God to condemn all the people they cared nothing for, all the
people who were different from them, all the people who threatened their sense
of security because of their “different-ness.”
But God’s love is for everyone.
It is agape
love that the scripture speaks of most often, but much of what can be said
about agape love can also apply to
the other two types of love. And
sometimes, scripture does talk specifically about philia love and eros
love.
The scripture reading we heard a few moments
ago from the book of Romans talks mainly about philia love, brotherly love, love among friends, but what it says
can also be applied to eros
love. It began with this sentence: “Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold
fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another
in showing honor.”
Right here are several criteria for true
love.
One is that true love consists of mutual
affection.
Agape love is
given regardless if the recipient is ready to receive it. But philia
love and eros love are mutual. A love between friends, and romantic love,
are not one-sided.
1 Corinthians 7 speaks specifically of the eros love that exists within marriage;
and it agrees that that kind of love is mutual.
The two marriage partners belong to each other; neither partner holds
all the authority or power in the relationship.
The relationship is based on mutual affection.
Now some of you who know your Bible well may
want to stop me and point out that both Ephesians and Colossians contain verses
which instruct wives to be subject to
their husbands, and for husbands to assert their authority over their wives. Where’s
the mutuality there?
It’s interesting, isn’t it, that we have in
scripture passages that are so contradictory, so opposite?
I’ll tell you what I know, and then you can
decide how best to interpret. I know
that scholars who have studied and examined the books of the New Testament have
determined that some of these books, like the letters to the Romans and the
Corinthians, claim to have been written by the apostle Paul and very likely were written by the apostle Paul.
But other books that claim to have been
written by the apostle Paul – like Ephesians and Colossians – contain such a
different vocabulary and writing style, and address such different issues, that
they were most likely written by someone else, someone who used Paul’s name
because they believed they were writing in the spirit of Paul, presenting his
ideas to a new generation or a new location.
Now of those letters that scholars have
determined to be authentic letters of Paul, this is where you find the emphasis
on mutuality in marriage. The authentic
letters of Paul are also where you find instructions for women (as well as men)
who wish to speak or teach in church, and instructions for women (as well as men)
who feel called to prophesy.
It appears, however, that these ideas were
too radical for the later writers who “borrowed” Paul’s name. It is these later writers who said that women
should submit to their husbands, or that women should be silent in church. They liked most of what Paul wrote, but the
teaching that women and men could speak in church and that they should be
mutual partners in love were just too much.
But in the New Testament books that are
authentically Paul’s women are
recognized as teachers, preachers, and prophets; and, more importantly for our
topic today, they were considered equal
partners in marriage; loving relationships of eros and philia love were
characterized by mutual affection and mutual authority.
Both of these contradictory ideas are a part
of scripture. Both are contained in the
book of holy writings that we refer to as God’s Word. And because they are contradictory, we find
that we must choose one or the other to emphasize when it comes to applying the
scripture to our lives today.
I don’t know about you, but the insight
provided by biblical scholars helps me make that decision. In addition, the overarching themes of
scripture help me make that decision. In
last week’s sermon I talked about the major theme that is present throughout
scripture, in the stories of Ruth, Jonah, Job, as well as in the teachings of
Jesus, all of which emphasize welcome and acceptance and equality. The idea of mutual affection and shared power
and authority fits well with the larger theme that is present in scripture,
while the idea of a more hierarchical relationship, in which one partner is
dominant over the other, does not.
So, getting back to our scripture reading for
today, from the 12th and 13th chapters of Romans… Near
the end of this reading, we heard the phrase, “Love does no wrong to a
neighbor.” Other translations render it
as “love does no harm.”
I first studied this verse in a workshop I
attended many years ago, a workshop on preventing sexual abuse and sexual
misconduct. Pretty much all religious leaders, clergy and lay, do what they do
out of love for God and love for God’s people.
But as we know from news headlines, a few of them have made terrible
mistakes, abusing those they love, or hurting them through inappropriate
conduct.
Hardly any of them intended to cause hurt or
harm. But at some point, they neglected
to ask if what they were doing was, in fact, harming the people they claimed to
love.
The participants in that workshop were told
that one of the best ways to make sure we are properly and appropriately caring
for those we love is to ask whether or not expressions of love for that person
could possibly be doing harm. If the
answer is yes, then its’ not true, genuine love, because true love does no
harm.
More positively expressed, the guideline that
love does no harm could be rephrased as, love
is always concerned with the other person’s well-being. I always prefer to emphasize the “positives,”
the “shoulds,” and not just the “negatives,” the “should-nots.” So I flip it around to the positive, although
in this case, I won’t completely get rid of the negative; it’s too
important.
So now we have two guidelines for true
live: one is that love is mutual; and
the other is that love does no harm, but instead looks out for the other
person’s well-being. I think if we can
remember those two things, we’ll go a long way to having healthier, more loving
relationships.
Now, to address the concerns about whether we
should affirm romantic love between people of the same sex. One of the things I’ve heard is that this
might lead to an “anything goes” mentality.
It won’t.
It won’t, because we have some very important
guidelines to prevent that: one is that
love is mutual, and the other is that love does no harm.
Same-sex relationships are just as capable of
being characterized by mutual affection and consideration of the partner’s
wellbeing as any other relationship.
Nearly all of the gay or lesbian people I know – and, living in Long
Beach, that’s quite a few – are, or have been, in stable, committed
relationships based on mutual love and a commitment to do no harm.
That cannot be said for all those other
situations that come to mind when I hear the phrase “anything goes.” I won’t spell out what all those situations
are; you can use your own imagination to do that. But those “other situations” are not based on
mutual love or concern for another’s wellbeing.
Without mutual love – when authority and power are not shared – it
becomes a relationship of abuse; when one partner does harm to another, it
becomes a relationship of abuse.
The scriptural guidelines I’ve talked about
today, when followed, will prevent inappropriate and abusive situations and
relationships, and it is right for the church to continue speaking out against
relationships that are unhealthy, inappropriate, or abusive.
But based on my understanding of God’s love,
my interpretation of scripture and the themes I see on the pages of scripture,
a relationship of mutual love between two people who share power and authority
in the relationship and who are committed to one another’s well-being … that
relationship is worthy of the church’s blessing, no matter what the gender is
of the two people involved.
Love is the greatest power in all of
creation. Love is stronger than any army
or any force of nature. Love is a gift
from God, to be treasured, honored, and celebrated.
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